Convenient

Poem: Convenient

Call it good

Never bad

Call it everything that you’d love baby

And I know you are sad

But I know it’ll make you happy

With the one thing that you wish you had

It’s convenient and I do think so

Don’t you know it’s convenient righty oh!

When you wish to go there

Day or night- right

Make it Aldi

When you wish to go there

Day or night- right

Make it Aldi

When you wish to go there

Day or night- right

Do it with me

When do you wish to go there babes?

Review: Convenient

 Of course I’m in total agreement with the first few lines of the poem after reading the title. Something that is easy, handy, suits my needs and is useful, I’ll be doing it! What could it be I wonder? Everything that I would love the poet says. Everything?

That’s a mighty long list! Where would I start? I read on and I discover that it’s the supermarket ‘Aldi’ yet again! Oh my word! Dear poet I’m beginning to see a pattern emerging here with your supermarket shopping habits. It’s intimate and overly personal if you don’t mind me saying. And a tad obsessive! At Aldi you’ve had a marriage, have produced a celebratory ballad and now this poem sounds like the first date of this union. Or the potential wooing of a new one! What is going on? Do you have shares in Aldi? Are you aware that I write reviews and therefore you’re wanting me to change my own grocery shopping ways? Well, if that is your aim, stop it please poet! I’m not to be indoctrinated by your attempt at convincing me! I’m very much set in my ways, and I’m flitter! A firm flitter at that! I flit like a butterfly from supermarket to supermarket and it is convenient for me! I have done an Aldi, yes but only a few times. I don’t knock it. My nearest one is convenient, as the crow flies, BUT nine times out of ten, there’s always something disturbing the flow. Chocca traffic during daylight hours. Parking is very ‘dog eat dog’ as it shares its location within a retail park, Have only had shopping success when it’s been in the evening. People are relaxed, much less aggressive, either they are stoned or ‘busy at home with online shopping, social media ‘likes’ and drinking special brew, or a glass or two of prosecco to ease into the evening… before starting it all over again the following day. Ridiculous to go anywhere near Aldi on a Saturday morning but that’s the same with ALL of the supermarkets. They’re not all that super! One needs to be strategic. From what I have seen, all are crammed with items of all sorts waiting in boxes to be placed in a continuous fast paced rotating robotic motion of genuinely helpful staff loading it all on to shelves. I hate it when people are rude to staff! They help you acquire your ‘much needed’ bits and bobs! It’s overspilling with things and with people. Not very nice at all. It should be easy, a simple local grocery shop, right? but it is more of a crisis. I’d call it a ‘crisis of the fast paced unnecessary overspill’

The smaller ones, designed to be ‘convenient’ have a new definition of what convenience is and anyone in their right mind can see that it is not that! It’s not convenient to be met with caged wheeled towers of items.  within narrow aisles that one needs to negotiate in order to buy a loaf of bread or a box of eggs. What to do eh? When one ‘needs’ an apple, a bunch of grapes, a small, seeded loaf, a carton of plant-based milk, a sachet of pet food and some sweeties. But don’t forget to use the flippin’ loyalty card! (as the machine never fails to keep reminding you with its ‘kind’ voice. You’ll clearly be saving squibbilions of pounds by tapping it. Before you know it, you’ll be a billionaire!

Oh my word, I apologise for going off on one here dear reader.

I have paused to read the poem again and I have changed my mind. I have indeed been wooed. I have been successfully charmed, yes. If the poet is addressing me then I’ll have to respond with ‘thanks’ for calling me ‘babes’  Very sweet and I’m liking it plus I would like to go to Aldi in the evening thank you, darling sugar honey pot. (I hope you don’t me calling you by all of these delightful delicious terms? No? Good! I’m fond of you and I like to respond in kind). Also you’ll be rescuing me from never again going to my local hideous mini supermarket. My ‘loyalty’ does not lie with them or their habit monitoring ‘spy card’ tapping ways but my loyalty is with my well-being and in the company of good folk. Could I just make one stipulation please darling honey pot poet? If we could pause on the way there (as we’ll be passing anyway) I would like to buy one or two ‘essential’ bits from my favourite modest and small supermarket. I would introduce you to good quality chocolate and coffee too. Then I’m ALL yours in ALDI. Thanks in advance.

The poet was right. I was sad but now I’m feeling jolly. A wake up call it has been reading this poem. The one thing that I wished I had was genuine ‘convenience’ Not a hideous and flawed attempt at it by local mini supermarkets close to me.

I’ve enjoyed reading the poem. A fun, and jolly read. There’s rhythm and rhyme with the words, bad, sad with ‘wish you had’

The line ‘I think so’ with ‘righty oh’

The line ‘Night with right’

And ‘Do it with me’, with ‘make it Aldi’

It’s humorous and truthful with something that is ‘convenient’ being the objective of the poet.

A great piece of storytelling. What does it say about all of us and how we shop?